Testimonial 3

Stacy was molested; someone we believed to be a friend of the family molested her. The first initial signs were the reoccurring bladder infections, then the bed-wetting, regular now, not because of being over tired or sick. Over time, little things became more apparent; her pride in the way she dressed changed, she was less affectionate and less talkative. Her constant singing seemed to have tapered way off. Thinking back, she didn’t seem as ‘happy’ as she used to be. She started to ‘act out’ inappropriate sexual behavior with other children. I noticed a major decline in her personal hygiene and care for her hair, in addition to her lack of attention to dressing “prettily,” a habit she’d always maintained before, were major factors. Negativity began to creep in and presented it through not only the change in how she dressed but also how she felt about herself and others. Her self-esteem was affected, she didn’t stick up for herself or think twice about being treated poorly by another child. What ambition she had, seemed to have disappeared. She became whiny, difficult to please and, while on the one hand seemingly obsessed with being overweight, her eating became almost obsessive. Her schoolwork and grades were compromised.

During counseling, Stacy learned most importantly that she was NOT to blame for theincident and the false guilt she felt was something she needed to cast off. She learned shehad not lost her talents, worth or rights to be treated appropriately. She learned how to actin ways to defend and protect herself for any and all, who would ‘abuse’ her and mostimportantly ‘not’ to accept such treatment, which is NOT ok. (FYI, as her mother, to aide,encourage and strengthen her self-worth, I enrolled her in Karate. To date, she has passedher first test and has achieved her orange belt. She has also been accepted in the ‘Children’s Chorale’, two positive esteem boosting milestones for her! With diet, exercise and encouragement she has lost 15 pounds of excess weight from the over-eating.

Stacy, coming out of counseling, has a much better opinion of herself. I’m increasinglyaware of her dressing nicely, paying attention to her hygiene and her hair. She wets the bed less frequently, but still does on occasion. She is happier, and more affectionate again. She sings too, but still not like she did yet. Her grades and schoolwork have improved tremendously. She looks for ways to be creative. Since none of us succeeds all the time, she is learning to handle disappointment very well and it isn’t dampening her efforts. She discusses inventive ideas on how to make money with me. She expresses her ambition by thinking up ways and things to do to make money and looks forward to becoming old enough to babysit. She talks about her plans for the future, how many children she wants to have and how she’ll correct them and teach them right from wrong.

I still grieve at times for her lost innocence at such a young age. We’ve had the birds andbees conversation a few years earlier than I would have liked, just so ‘things’ would be moreconnected in her mind and she’d see that all things ‘sexual’ are not bad. I’ve definitelybecome more protective, but not in an obsessive manner. We are still working on thosethings internal that will effect and be reflected by her. I keep a closer eye on her attitudesand moods and discuss them with her. Negative comments escape her lips occasionally, butwe look for ways to replace them with positive ideas instead. Encouragement, and praisealong with effort and positive direction from family, school and community will replace thosenegative moments with successful, meaningful achievements she will treasure and hold onto, that will in turn cause her to become a more compassionate friend, neighbor, sister,daughter…a more generous, loving, stronger, supportive and giving individual.